I Am Now A Cancer Patient. Kind of.

  Somehow I have become a cancer patient.

After 7-1/2 years of dealing with this all, I never thought of myself as a cancer patient.

But the pain and acceleration of the cancer the last 6 weeks has put that thought into my mind.

I am a cancer patient.

The pending surgery is concerning.  The news on my lungs is concerning.  

In the last couple of days, as I wean myself off the steroids for the surgery, the pain limits me to getting off the couch for maybe a minute or two at a time before I have to sit.  

And in the last three days my hands and legs have been wracked by spasms.  To the point I was screaming for a good portion of 6 hours on Tuesday night.

There is nothing on the scans that indicate an issue where the cancer can be causing this.  My blood work is fine.  I have been making sure to drink water - I had a cramp a couple of days ago, in the hand, so figured I would get on top of that just in case.

Nothing helped.

For 7-1/2 years I have avoided taking drugs whenever I can.  I figured I would only use them if absolutely needed.  I had thirty-day supply of painkillers that expired, barely used if at all, a year later. My doctors always say get ahead of the pain.

They gave me an additional muscle relaxer yesterday.  And basically I have just been keeping the pills going.  Not "out of it".  But enough to keep the pain down.  No spasms since yesterday.  Though it is painful to walk, that is also now under control if I do not push it.  Will keep on taking them to avoid the pain.

If I had any concerns about whether I needed the surgery - "Hey, I am being a whiny child, the pain is not bad.  I can do something else." - The last couple of days made it perfectly clear.  And you know what?  That has eased my mind.  With the pain I have just gone through, I am sure they will be able to control the post-surgery pain.  Sort of semi-at-peace with this all.  Not that it won't really suck for a week or so.  But a bit more acceptance.

Watching a rare afternoon Yankees game.  Taking my pills.  And you know what?  I am back to feeling like I am not really a cancer patient.  Which is the mind-set I need to get through this.

I am sure I will be fine.  I will get through the surgery.  It is more important to focus on things such as that despite cancer, I have an award as saving a person's life as an EMT.  That I have created a lot of music since I had started with cancer.  That I became a photographer for a baseball team.  And that I have completed 35 races since I was told my cancer, after dealing with for two years at this point, was incurable and inoperable in last week of 2017.

So despite my little bit of thinking I am a cancer patient, which technically I am, I do not want to think that way.  And my hope is that anyone else who has to go through this can do the same.  I am ready to help anyone with this in anyway I can.

@iTri4aCure

Well This Stinks Part II

 Just got off a phone call with my doctor. So still processing. I am hanging in, but the cancer has spread. Had three drug trials. Last one failed a couple of weeks ago. Cancer has spread a lot, with a particular large burst in spine and lungs (been dealing with them for years, but now have really got problematic.)

Waiting to hear if they will be doing surgery (if possible) on the spine. If so it would be ASAP. Within a matter of days. So far it is still open - the tumor board meets tomorrow (May 5) and I will have conversation with the surgeon shortly thereafter. Radiation will probably happen regardless of surgery, though I had radiation in 2018. My doctor said subsequent rounds of radiation usually not as effective. Also an issue about if the tumors can be radiated due to their positioning near my spinal cord.

My lungs also are extremely problematic. There were a couple of tumors that were large and considered for radiation. But in a matter of a couple of months there are too many. Depending on how the surgery is done it will affect when I will be able to try something for the lungs - may be going back to my first chemo. But all of this is catching up. My doctor said the build up over time is why it is harder for my to bounce back each treatment. And that I should start considering quality of life. I will keep on pushing. But between the back pain and surgery, there would be a recovery time which will make it hard for me to stay ahead on the exercise part of things. Which is critical.

As my doctor said, most people would be gone. My appearance and what I am do and continue to do is completely opposite of what is actually going inside my body. One of the insidious parts of the CRC is that if you have it long enough, it keeps on twisting and changing. It goes into areas where it is more difficult (if not impossible) to treat.

Anyway, the spinal pain is under control with steroids for the last week, so I did manage two runs (on treadmill) for 7 miles and a 25 hour bike run. Yesterday I went to the ballpark to shoot some photos. So between the run yesterday and walking, managed 5 miles altogether.

Bottom line things are rather less than stellar at this point. Still not official time limit - my doctor is not one to do that, though it came close to being told that today. Reading between the lines, it is pretty clear. That being said, my plan is to have this come up as a memory of a post to FB (or elsewhere) in a year that I can bump it. If you are placing bets, however, take the under. I have made it a lot further than most. Now I just need a little bit more luck.