Hello World, I am awake.

 Hello World.

How are you doing?  I have been pretty much out of touch with you for the last week or so.  Was kind of napping since last Weds.

Chemo Weight Lose Plan

The new #chemotherapy drug trial is not as much fun as all the other #chemotherapy I have had.  Because, you know, some chemo is fun.  🙄

Different pattern than the last two.  Infusion Monday, not too bad.  Tuesday was a good day (usually is).  I did .2 miles on the treadmill for a pulsox test for the drug trial I am in, and then did a mile just for fun.  I was even up to taking some photographs for a friend and met some cool people I had not met before.

Then Wednesday.  Ah yes, Wednesday.  When the steroids start wearing off.  Good times.  "Chemo belly" sets in.  It is the phrase I use to try to describe the bizarre feeling in my stomach where you know something funny is causing distress/cramping.  No bathroom runs.  Just constant discomfort.  Then I started having indigestion and reflux around Thursday.  I am one degree away from a bull shark and normally can eat anything without issue. Between coughing and the reflux, my throat was burning when I tried to eat or drink.  And my appetite took a hit.     

It is also around Weds. or Thursday when the back pain and chemo brain kicked in.  Enough pain to keep on waking me up.  And chemo brain putting me in the twilight zone of being both awake and asleep, hoping that I could fall asleep because that helps clear it.  

I woke up now and again, but mainly in bed lying down even when awake.  A couple of texts to friends.  But that was often tough.  Wordle became a major chore.  I think I did one or two to post as part of a group of friends, but even then I am not 100% sure.  

I was also constantly nauseous, popping anti nausea meds 3 times a day.  Something I have not had to do in 7 years.  Despite that, the EMT part of me kept on prodding me on.  "Eat something.  Drink something."  I did not want to lose weight or become dehydrated.  A graham cracker here or there.  A sip of water or ginger ale.  And then continue sleeping.  Watched some baseball when I was awake.

The triathlon side of my mind kicked in on Saturday.  I was a wreck.  But I know that the thing that separated me from being at death's door, or past it, at this point is the training.  I made it to the couch downstairs.  Rested.  Then forced myself to the treadmill.  My back and leg pain was bad - the drugs always exacerbate that it seems.  But I had to do something.  I was almost in tears for the first 20 minutes.  I kept on forcing myself to take another step.  I was clinging onto the handrails trying not to fall.  Then trying not to fall asleep.  It was autopilot.  Made a 5K at a pace of 22:15 per mile.  I had done a 5K race two days before the infusion at a pace almost 7 minutes per mile faster.  Not that it is fast, but I was vomiting the night before that race.  So all things considered 😉

Got off the treadmill and showered.  And crawled back to bed.  Had a glass of water. A small snack box of some cranberries, nuts and cheese.   Then a couple of hours later, praying to the porcelain god.  Most of the time I have dry heaves and queasiness.  It is rare I actually vomit.

Back into hibernation and forcing myself to eat and drink when awake.  Sunday and Monday I made no pretenses of trying to do anything.  Thought about it Tuesday and had another chemo "spell."  It is the time when I am particularly altered from chemo brain.  My body feels feverish.  If I could crawl out of my skin I would gladly do so.  It is being in a surreal part of Dante's Inferno.  I crawled into the shower, which can often help.  

At the start of the shower, I started thinking about calling 911 to get a lift to Memorial Sloan Kettering.   I was also done with the drug trial.  I just could not take it any more.  I was going to let them know immediately.  Things eased a bit, so I moved into I would take a Lyft to MSK and not an ambulance.  I got out of the shower, feeling a bit better, and went back and forth.  Finally decided to get into bed.  I was okay enough to make it through by staying in bed.

I took a full set of drugs last night - pain killer, muscle relaxer, sleeping pill - because I felt I was getting close to getting through this round.  Woke up at 4AM and 6AM.  Was still tired.  But feeling better.  Fell asleep again and woke up at 9.  Had another chemo spell.  Popped another anti-nausea pill and crawled into the shower.  Got out and then slept until noon.

I think I am out of the tough portion of the cycle.  I have been awake for 4 hours.  I am sitting up on the couch and not lying in bed.  Just feeling tired, but not the tired of the last week.   Stomach okay (added Prilosec).  Feeling hungry.  And I am getting close to getting on the treadmill.   It is so strange.  A complete change from hell to "Yup I am good to go another round,”  as if a switch was thrown.  But while in the middle of the hell it is a real fight to keep going.  And I have it pretty damn good all things considered.  

#iTri4aCure