Negotiation 101

Today - Doctors/Staff : "You don't get paid for being a human guinea pig. But you don't have to participate in the drug trial."

Me: "Uh-huh"

Doctors/Staff : "These have been shown to cause leukemia sometimes. But again you do not have to participate in these trials."

Me: "Uh-huh"

Doctors/Staff : 'And...."

Repeat 20x or so.

Me: (Despite the fact that all treatments have been used up and I have cancer every where that will kill me in the not too distant future as things stand, holds firm to my inner and external lawyer) "Fine, give me a hat and I will sign the papers. No hat, no deal."

So going to get set up for a CT scan in the next couple of weeks. Then a biopsy. I miss those. Have not had one since 2018. Then on a 21 day cycle of the trial drugs. But I am only given the pills 21 days out of each 21 day cycle...ummm...I only have to drive 80 miles/2 hours each way for things...ummm. I GOT MY HAT!!! #Winning

Playlist Update

 The Final Countdown

The End of The Road

My playlist (in my mind) got pretty small last week. On Weds I was told the chemotherapy stopped working and I was done taking the pills. No matter how much chemotherapy is not a bundle of joy, when you are told it is no longer working, it stinks. I miss feeling like ##%&#&#*#, because at least I know the cancer is at bay.

I immediately contact the trial I got into last year. We were just waiting to see how far the Lonsurf would go and ride that horse as long as possible. Still have not heard back.

I had also been remiss in not exercising for a few days. I had not seen my brother or his children in close to 20 months. The longest ever in any of their lives.

But anyway, once I stopped using the excuse (not going to happen next time, I will train, but maybe not crazy long rides or runs) and they left, I dusted myself off and got back to it. The exercise has kept my lungs clear, which is why I find myself coughing more during workouts as the cancer blocks certain things that need to be cleared out. But I do ;)

And yesterday on the run, 4.3 miles after a day of shooting baseball, Lose Yourself came up on my playlist. I put it on repeat for the last couple of miles to keep going. Awesome song and fit my mood.

"Look

If you had

One shot

Or one opportunity

To seize everything you ever wanted

In one moment

Would you capture it

Or just let it slip?"

And each time I came to the following line, I just ran harder.

"Success is my only mother*****' option, failure's not"

I do not have the luxury of failing on this.

But I am back into figuring out all the next moves.

@itri4acure @embracetheslow