Four Years Ago Today Part V - What Are You In For?

Four years ago today was my first visit to Memorial Sloan Kettering Hospital. The pathology report was back. It was cancer. I went through a battery of tests. And was scheduled for surgery.

What I was thinking, and my first post on this blog a year ago today:

“What are you in for?”

That phrase kept on rolling around in my head. I was scared I was periodically mouthing the phrase so people would clearly see what I was thinking. Or, worse, actually saying it out loud.

The room was crowded, but quiet. There was just an occasional brief sound of a conversation. Each person had the same look. Neither race, gender nor religion made a difference. I could see pretty much every type of person as I looked around. We were all one and the same – in for the same thing and all waiting for the sentence.

But I kept to myself. I never did ask anyone “What are you in for?” I already knew the answer.

Four Years Ago Today: Part IV

4 years and one week ago I met with a surgeon to do a biopsy.  At the time he said there were often false positives on scans and that he will often find nothing when doing the biopsy.

Not a pretty thing to look at

He further qualified things by saying  if it was cancer, it looked limited and probably no chemotherapy.  I was not really buying it by this point.  Four years ago today, I had the biopsy.  The first words I heard was I needed to call a surgeon immediately - even before my wife and I left the parking lot.  No pathology report yet run, obviously, but it was moving closer to being official.

"A frond-like/villous, fungating, ulcerating non-obstructing mass was found....This was biopsied with a cold forceps for histology.  Injection(tattooing) chromoscopy with India Ink was performed."

On the good news side of things, I got my first tattoos.  I probably would never have otherwise gotten one.  I like them, but I know my personality, the second I was done, I would always question my selection.  😄

I planned on doing some #triathlon training today after my disconnect from chemotherapy, but this round hit me pretty hard so slept more.  I really like marking these days with #triathlon training, but will do something tomorrow for sure.

Four Years Ago Today: Part III

Today is the day I actually read the report saying "cancer" right before heading to the funeral for my friend who passed away from breast cancer.  Was very surreal.    I knew my doctor was kind of passing things off but saying "he is not an expert."

And today I marked the four years it with the following:

Four Years Ago Today - Part II

I went back to get the scan that I was not able to do the day before due to the broken CT machine.  I got the scan then picked up the report and CD of the scan from the day before.  It was all clear.  Nothing indicating cancer.  I went home relieved and planned to call my brother to let him know.

But before I called him, I jumped in the shower.  I had to go to a wake for a friend of mine who had breast cancer.  A wonderful person who dealt with it for years.  I got out of the showered, put on my suit, then checked my phone.

"This is Dr ___, call me the moment you get this message, it is urgent."  Not the words you want to hear.  I called and waited for a return call.  I answered and he started with "You are young and in otherwise good health..."  I asked him, "Cancer?"  He said he could not say for sure since he was not an expert.  Playing it close to the vest.  I picked up the report the next day before heading to the funeral.  Looked pretty clear to me.  

I went to the funeral and started figuring out the next moves. 

I am trying to mark certain dates when going along all of this.  Today is a pretty big one.  I slept about 11 hours last night.  Then had another 2 hour nap or so a few hours later, but coming out of the chemo hangover portion of the last treatment.  And I could not let this day pass without at least trying to do something.  So I made it to the bike trainer.  3% faster on MPH and 3% more power than I did on the same route/time on Rouvy January 3. 

#iTri4ACure

Four Years Ago Today: Part I

Four years ago today I went for a bone scan and CT scan in what I thought was over medicine and concern, though pain had started right after scan in late December and stopped two days before this scan. The CT machine was broken so that scan was postponed until the next day. And so the creeping to finding out what was going on continued. .

Today I thought my grand plan would be watching the @NFL playoffs with friends, but had been feeling less than great since #chemotherapy last Monday. Today I thought I was okay. So told friends I was going to run for #triathlontraining then get together. Two minutes later felt bad and slept for an hour. Felt good and told people I was going to run and let’s get together. Then going upstairs to get running clothes requires another 45 minute rest/nap ..


Finally got it going and did a 2 mile run then a 1.5 mile semi-run/walk/jog. 5K the hard way. Then watched some football with friends. Overall the day worked out well. #cancer and #triathlon not a perfect mix, but I am trying to make it work 😀

And The Results Are - Eh. So, So. With A Big Takeaway

The waiting for the results of the first scan is over.  And my totally untrained eyeballing of the scan itself was pretty much on point.  No real change in most of the tumors, though some of them did grow a bit.  Obviously not the optimal result that I was looking for, but it seems some are being controlled.

Additionally the of the tumors show "cavitation," which basically indicates some kind of activity, including the possibility that the tumor is dying.  It looks like a little black circle in the middle of the tumor.  The green arrow on the following image shows where one example is.

There are also indications that the tumor in my back and spine is being reduced.  Which is a good thing.  But the big question is what is going on?  

Check out the spot on the right side
(looking at this image) with the red arrow
pointed down.  That one is a monster.

And still not a clear cut answer.  I asked specifically as to whether or not the cavitation means the other tumors will follow suit.  The answer is no.  

There is a chance that though some tumors do respond, others may not based on various reasons.  There is a TON of cancer in my lungs, including one approaching 4 cM.   I did find an interesting article on what cavitation may mean, and that for Colon Cancer Mets to the lung, the cavitation is a good sign.  You can check it out here:  NIH Publication


I pulled some of the images from my scan and marked some of the places in my lungs where there is cancer.  Check out that bad-boy on the image to the right.   Really hoping to see a black dot on the next scan.

The game plan is to add another drug on my next session.  I need to think about it.  Obviously all the drugs come with warnings that scare the heck out of you.  But this drug, Avistan, does things like cause blood clots, seizures, fistulas, GI Bleeds.  On the other hand, it does make the chemotherapy more effective in many cases.  I do need to stack the odds some more.  So will probably go for it.

One of the most important things I asked was how the h--l I am functioning at all with that amount of cancer in my lungs.  Foreshadowing - what is the name of this site?  Yup, triathlon training is keeping me going.  Whatever lungs that I have left and are cancer free are doing a pretty good bang up job of keeping my lung function and capacity going.  Even though the chemotherapy is messing up my training - no more 6 days a week with a 5 hour brick now and again - but it is still something.  Usually I am a glass half full guy, but seeing my training decline does bum me out again.  I do need to remind myself what I am dealing with when that thought hits.

This is the last weeks training - four days worth with some walking between miles. #iTri4ACure

And The Wait Begins - #scanxiety

Had a scan today at Memorial Sloan Kettering.  It is the first scan that I have had since going back on chemotherapy.  I have had five cycles of FOLFORI, of which four were on standard b-weekly schedule after the first treatment which made me violently ill.

Your mind plays games with you. I was pretty certain that something seemed off when I was in the scan today.  That there seemed to be a lot longer breaks between sliding into the machine, being told to hold my breath, then breathe.  

Got the CD of the scan like I always do.  I am far from even being borderline competent on reading these things, but there is a location or two that I know.  Overall it looks like there was not a readily visible improvement, though I think a couple of places may have shrunk a small amount.  But the overall impression is there is a ton of stuff still in there about the same size.  I was hoping it would be clearly clear.

These are three images from three scans.  A year and a half-ago, 3 months ago and today.  I tried to match the same location in the scans each time, though there may be some minor variances.  These are in no particular order. But it is pretty clear which one is clearer and which two are toss-ups.  Or so I think.

I can go in and try to measure things more precisely.  And I may do so at some point over the next few days.   But it will be a long few days until I find out officially what is going on.  I think at the very least it may be holding things at bay, but hoping the couple of things I think are shrinking are in fact shrinking.

This first scan since starting chemo really brings out major #scanxiety Will have NFL Playoffs to take up some time this weekend and keep my mind off this a bit.  I hope 😀

And if anyone can tell which is which and whether there is a change in my condition, that would be greatly appreciated.  Answers coming on Monday.😎

January 1, 2019 - Tyler Trent

I went for a run today to start the New Year.  Was going to blog about that.  What the year will bring.  My immediate future with a scan to see if the chemotherapy was working. Then I saw the news about Tyler Trent.

I hate cancer.  When I briefly fool myself about it, I am reminded what it is about.