Sorry I Splashed In The Pool (Cancer Makes You Cranky)

I know it probably does not come as a big revelation, but sometimes cancer can make you cranky.

Yesterday I was having a good swim workout.  Each week I am improving bit-by-bit.  Not going to be landing on the podium, but I can now swim further than I could a couple of months ago.  Was doing some ladder drills, with the long segment being 300 yards, for a total of about 80 laps.

The pool, three lanes, had one person in each.  People do not swim circles at the place.  Just split lanes.  The person to my right was going up and down with a noodle under their chest.  The person to my left was doing something similar.  I was the only one doing something passing as "swimming."  😀

And I was in one of those good moods feeling like I was accomplishing something.  Of course I was questioning myself and thinking "what the hell am I doing?" as I counted off the laps for the longer distances, but I was doing them.

A new swimmer appeared, picked my lane and I moved to one side off the lane line when I saw her there when I came in for a turn .  She then proceeded to breast stroke, head above water, up and down the lane.  Which is fine.  The way I swim, it is not like I am that much better.

I hit the wall and stood up after finishing off a 300 and feeling pretty happy.   Did two 300s  and held (for me) a good pace.

Was having some water, and she calls out to me when she was about 20 yards out.  I thought I heard what she said, but was not sure.  I said. "Sorry, I missed what you said."

"You splash too much."  I was a bit taken aback.  I have spoken to many people when I get to the end of the pool who have offered tips as I get back into swimming shape.  This was not offering help.  It was a complaint.  I know I make some splash coming off the wall and she was often hanging out at the ends of the pool.  Overall it was a bit of a bummer.  My coaches have been working with me on technique and cutting splashing down/cleaning things up.  All that work down the drain.

I got kind of ticked and instantly made sure to bite my lip - a sarcastic reply coupled with less than polite words were the top 10 responses I had.

She then followed up with "Well how much longer are you going to be swimming?"

 Seriously?

 "12 Laps, will be done pretty quickly." For some reason I felt guilty of being in the pool at that point.

"Well that sounds like a lot and you are going to be here a long time, I should have picked another lane."   Good idea, especially since the other people were just going up and down more like a water aerobics class, just like she was with her breast stroke, face never touching the water.  She moved over to the other lane, and she started splashing me as I passed.  Pushing outwards to splash me - really childlike.   Not sure if she did it each time, but a few times when I was facing her.  It was kind of amusing.

It took a lot of effort to me not to really get into it with her.  Tell her I have had cancer 2 times before and now it is back for the 3rd time and inoperable.  That I am trying to stay alive and avoid chemo as long as possible.  That I am missing substantial pieces of my abdomen and lung.  That it is a #$%^& swimming pool and it was not like I was rough housing around.  That a couple of months before I was barely able to make a lap.  That my splashing is a lot less now.  And that she totally harshed my buzz (or p--sed on my Cheerios actually.)  I was feeling good.  A screw cancer workout falling into place.  When going through this all, each lap done a bit faster or longer rep distance achieved, helps me remain positive - that my next scan will show no further growth, or perhaps even reduction.  I ran after the pool.  I did 4 miles.

In my mind, I am sure I am winning.  Someone who can swim over a mile then run 4 miles (slowly) can't be dying of cancer.  Nope. And those feelings get me through the workouts, with just the occasional nagging thought.

But for some reason the timing of the splash comment, and the follow up comments, ticked me off, probably more so because it hurt a bit.  My swimming is bad.   I am interfering with other people.  I am taking up space and someone's time.  Just when I was feeling good during the workout.

I knew the cranky part of cancer would cause me to respond in a manner I did not want to, so I said nothing.  And that also ticks me off.

#iTri4ACure